my thoughts on who I am.


Sometimes I feel like I have been sent to the world 
to challenge people around me 
with my endless negativity, 
my criticism about everything 
and my anxieties about life. 
Fortunately, they are very good at dealing with my negative energy.

I remember in my childhood I was in love with being on my own, in my room. My room was my sacred place. I was a bit melancholic even when I was a little girl, I guess. I still love being melancholic for no reason. I love spending the night in my room with soft light accompanying me. With my sister, we used to love walking at the streets when it is dark outside, when people turn on the light in their rooms. Other apartments, other people’s light was very mysterious to us. We would get a glimpse of the lives inside these apartments. I must confess, I still love looking through stranger’s curtains, on my night walks. I love to think about their lives, I just love looking at out of the corner of my eyes at a woman, sitting on her couch, she is just living unaware of my existence. I find myself fascinated and extremely scared of the fact that there are infinite numbers of people in the world and they maintain their lives in infinite numbers of different ways.. Every single person combs their hair differently, some of them don’t even comb their hair. Every single person feels comfortable at very different weather conditions. I was shocked when I found out everybody’s favorite season is not summer, in fact some people hate sun. It was a brand new information for my 10 year-old self. Since then, I am curious about stranger’s life, and their routines that are extremely different from mine.

“It seems to me that, whatever happened in this world happened before there was me.”*

I see the world as a huge, complex boxgame. Currently the players are us, all living creatures. But this game have been played for the millions of times, maybe one of the players was playing it the exact same way as I do. But I don’t really have the instructions from previous players, that bothers me a lot.

I like to think that there is no way to create an idea that is one hundred percent “unique”. Someone in this world has thought the exact same idea even the idea is very absurd and extreme, someone has played this world-game exactly like you. I love seeing the similarities and shocking differences between our games.

Answering the question -Who am I?- is NOT easy for me. I always wish to be a person who doesn’t afraid of living. Maybe if I don’t afraid this much, I will get to know myself better. So, for now, I am a person who is trying to discover herself through examining and questioning interesting lives and thoughts of others.

 


*quote from Baris Bicakci

Comments

  1. Elif AyiterOctober 14, 2020 at 12:26 PM

    Bunun ortasında bir yerlerde concrete poetry ile ilgili bir bölüm var:
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5pp1g1lgbBUeDJBYlhadW9qYTg/view

    Futurism + Typography, Marinetti Typographic manifesto, Dada poetry and periodicals. Bu sayfada aşağıya doüru inersen bunların hepsiyle ilgili bölümler ve bol miktarda görsel malzeme var:
    https://www.historyofvisualcommunication.com/08-the-avantgarde

    Diğer bakabileceğin şeyler:

    http://www.lehman.edu/faculty/guinazu/ciberletras/v17/perloff.htm

    https://www.poetryfoundation.org/harriet/2008/06/conceptual-poetics-christian-bok

    https://www.netzliteratur.net/block/p0et1cs.html

    https://blogs.getty.edu/iris/what-is-concrete-poetry/

    https://tr.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=Visual%20poetry&rs=srs&b_id=BN6cVmEY5mxKAAAAAAAAAADgfedQJl5j4NzQHvDI0kRocIE9QJke8eAMazhV7cLvfCZX1wACRLhN&source_id=SRTb7zuU

    Petrou, L. (2006). McLuhan and Concrete Poetry: Sound, Language and Retribalization. Canadian journal of Media Studies, 1(1), 1-25

    Sharp, R., McKinney, P., & Ross, S. (2007). Visual text: Concrete poetry, hyperfiction and the future of the narrative form. Glasgow: Humanities Advanced Technology and Information Institute (HATII), at http://www.ed.ac.uk/iash/vkpublication/Sharp_McKinney_Ross. pdf, accessed, 31 12 2013

    Portela, M. (2006). Concrete and Digital Poetics, LEA, Vol 14 Issue 05 - 06, http://tinyurl.com/pwvqvu5 Accessed on 13 12 2013

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